Question: “What are the 5 biggest CHANGES going on inside you and how are you keeping the breadth of teachings in balance with each other?”
The five biggest changes I see going on inside of me are choosing to fully trust God again, increased faith, emotional healing that has brought freedom, a paradigm shift in relating to God and the fact that I am hearing God more. It is actually hard to separate some of these as they seem to be happening in tandem. Hopefully as the paper continues the truth of what God is doing within me will unfold.
I am especially struggling with separating choosing to fully trust God again, increased faith and emotional healing. These three are messy because my life is messy, but I will try and be clear in each change and believe that you will be able to see how these are continually leaking all over each other.
At the beginning of elevate I was withholding part of myself from God. Through disappointment and trial I began to agree with some of Satan’s accusations against God. For example, maybe God doesn’t always have my best in mind and God might use me (as in an abusive way). However, I knew enough that I also couldn’t walk away from ministry. Matthew 16:25 says, “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” I was trying to save a part of my life.
Early on in the semester I realized where I was at. I saw some of the accusations I made against God and the lies that they were. I knew that I needed to come back to the place where I trusted God fully.
The Father Heart of God was a great teaching to speak the truth of how deeply God loves, how interested He is in me and how He sees even when no one else does. I loved the picture John Dawson painted of David laying down his life for the sheep when the lion came. He said, ”No one saw that night except all of heaven.” It was a good reminder that God is not like us. That even my attempts to trust Him can inspire Him. He also mentioned that God is interested in us and attracted to us. That God delights in my appearance. These comments washed my mind with their truth.
Gus Hunter came to speak about hearing God but over and over his message was, “Don’t try to be in control. It is about trusting God no matter what happens.” One of his examples was Mary and the events leading up to Jesus’ birth (and beyond). Gus told us the purpose of life was becoming one with the person of God. Vessels filled with and one with God. These were great exhortations to repent and relax fully in the hands of God.
The other teaching that was a real kicker in this area was Relinquishing Rights. As I have already stated there were rights I was trying to hold onto. I could relate when Loren said, “Often it is the little things we won’t relinquish”. Some of the little things were wrong goals. Neil Anderson points out in Victory Over the Darkness, we can tell when we have the wrong goals when we are easily irritated or frustrated. The light bulb was going on. As I chose to relinquish rights I was holding onto, I trusted God with them. I now have less fear than I did before because I am not trying to protect myself or my kids. At least, not from God and what He might ask me to do.
The second change I will share is that my faith has been built up. Joe Ewen gave Jason and me Psalm 34:10 and told us to plaster it all over our house. Psalm 34:10 says, “The lions may grow weak and hungry but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.” He broke off a fear of lack that I wasn’t even aware of but that was certainly there. Part of the implications were financial but that was only part.
I have been a little afraid of the need with which we will encounter in Africa. There will be such a material and emotional need. Yet God also spoke to us through Joe about God doing miracles like he did with the loaves and the fishes. When we give the little that we have, He will multiple it to meet the need and have an abundance left over. This is a promise I am holding onto and keeping before me. It is changing the way I think. One little example is eating out with my family. I love to give and can be extravagant (for us) when giving to God. However, eating out as I was growing up was often looked at as wasteful. I can be a tight wad for sure, so though Jason would love to, I rarely would go along with eating out. Now I am still all for being a good steward but I am no longer a tight wad because of fearing lack in the future. Now I can go out occasionally just to enjoy God’s provision.
The deal with my faith growing along the lines of lack goes further though. Bill Johnson was teaching on Jesus being in the boat with the disciples. Jesus told the disciples to beware of the yeast of the Pharisees. The disciples didn’t understand and thought He might be saying this because they had not brought bread. Bill shares Jesus’ response to the disciples and the question that has haunted me is, “Why do you begin to reason with what you lack?” Jesus then took the disciples through a thought process showing them that when they had more people to feed and less food they had more leftovers. God is not limited by our lack.
I still can easily slip into my old patterns for thinking but I am noticing a change. It is not just knowing that God can do the impossible with my mind. My spirit has changed, or been strengthened perhaps, in this area. John Dawson said that we should expect God to be generous with us. Not that it is our right. We don’t demand it but we should have expectation. I think that is a good description of where I am at.
The third change I have seen is emotional healing and restoration. God affirmed me in multiple ways at the beginning of the semester that He was going to do this. It has taken until the end of the semester to say it has happened. I needed God to come speak restoration and treat me tenderly at the beginning. I have truly found that God’s kindness leads me to repentance.
God spoke through multiple means. He was speaking to me in my quiet times about the way He saw me. He used a woman from 24:14 to speak a timely word that she could only have had from him at our training school launch night. He also used Donelle during our retreat. All of this speaking was encouraging to me but also helped me honestly face and deal with where I was at. Repentance came quickly but healing has taken time. I think part of that is that I have had time to walk in my new thoughts.
The first step for me was choosing to trust God again. We have covered this. The only thing I want to add to that was from Jimmy. He said we can choose our values, feed our values and learn our values. I had to choose to believe and keep God’s goodness as central in my thoughts. I needed to feed myself the truth about God’s goodness.
The next huge step was from brokenness. God was working on this area even before the first teaching. The women’s retreat was powerful to me. Christi Osborn was speaking and sharing from John 15. She began talking about being pruned and showed a picture of a pruned crape myrtle. It looked awful! Yet we all know how they look when they bloom. This gave me hope as I felt at least somewhat like the pruned crape myrtle.
The picture really helped the next weekend when I was unimpressed and disappointed in myself and God on our outreach weekend. It helped later as I accepted my own brokenness and then looked to my identity.
I was sobered by Nancy DeMoss’ teaching but really struck as I went through the list of differences between proud and broken people. I am self-protective, want to be recognized, think of what I can do for God, defensive and care greatly what others think of me. As I really worked through these things over the next few days, God pointed out that my pride and these sinful ways it manifested was the main reason I need healing. I would not have been nearly as disappointed if I was truly joining God in what He was doing instead of trying to impress God and others with what I could do. I would not have felt as rejected or accused by other Christians if I was more honest with myself, God and others about my faults and failures. I also wouldn’t need their approval if I was looking only to please my Jesus. My healing only really began to come when I realized that my sin was what caused my wounds. It was a painful thing to see but at the same time it was wonderfully freeing. I will never be able to be what I want to or attain spirituality from my own efforts.
This is where the healing completed with identity. The truths I learned here weren’t new. So many were right out of Victory Over the Darkness which we had already read. However, now I was free to see myself and my need for these truths much more clearly. Margie Atwood came and shared about identity. It was a perfect balance. I am broken and a sinner yet through Jesus I am his righteousness. I am complete in Jesus. (Col.2:10) I have died to sin (Gal. 2:20) and can be free of the sinful mind patterns, the lies I was believing. I don’t have to strive, feel fear or shame. I am a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17) The Spirit is greater than the flesh and I am one Spirit with Jesus (1 Cor.6:17). I just have to quit petting and pampering my flesh. I need to reckon it dead!
These truths helped insure that I wouldn’t allow Satan to bind me with shame over my sin. Margie’s personal authority on identity issues gave me hope and determination to become like her. One who trains my mind, guards my thoughts and believes/experiences union with God on a daily basis.
The forth change is a paradigm shift that is occurring. I have been working on new thought patterns in the realm of good, evil and obedience. The two teachings that have spurred this change are Radical Obedience and Grace vs. Law. I happen to think that both Robert Herber and Jimmy were pretty balanced as they spoke on these subjects.
Robert talked about the baptism of fire. He said how we respond during the squeeze is one of the greatest determining factors in how we are used by God. Robert encouraged us to keep pressing into God. A picture he painted that has impacted me was of diving in the ocean. He said the deeper we go it gets darker, there is more pressure and the oxygen keeps getting farther away. Some of our friends will turn and swim back up but if we want all that God has for us we must go through it.
The balance to all of this was that we are obedient and sacrifice to bless the heart of Jesus. The goal is to do a beautiful thing to Jesus like the woman in Mark 14 who poured out her nard on Jesus. This also means we only do what we see the Father doing. The shift that started to happen was in how I judge myself, others, actions and activities in general. Perhaps this will lead me to one day not judge that which I shouldn’t but right now I do tend to judge and this is a better frame work to use.
Jimmy explained it even more clearly to me. He said good and evil will plague you. When you feel you have done well you will feel good. When you feel you have done poorly you will feel evil. Good apart from God’s grace is only self-righteous anyway. We don’t have to be good or evil. We just have to be Jesus’.
I have tried to judge good and evil in my life. So many of my expectations and life codes if you will are due to good and evil. However, since following Jesus this should no longer be my measure. I need to look to Jesus continually. Deciding what I should or should not be doing based on his grace. Here I do not mean grace to be license but rather God’s personal direction and power for me on a moment by moment bases.
The other part of the talk that helps balance and works perfectly with Robert’s exhortation to go through the baptism of fire is to start everyday with God’s original intent for man. That God made man in his image, that he made us to bless us and that God gave us purpose. I can trust God during the times I feel pressure or pain because I know that his intention toward me is good and he has a purpose for me.
I know that this is a change that is no where near completion. I have a long way to go before I relate to God and evaluate things rightly. However, I have begun. I know one who is faithful to complete it.
The fifth change is in learning to hear God. I have heard and been led by God but I am becoming more sensitive. I need to practice more still but I can see that I am making progress.
A couple of examples are when we were encouraged to prophesy over each other in 4s with Joe Ewen, an experience I had in church and my own devotional life. I didn’t think I had anything I felt like God was saying to Jacob (the first person to go in my group) through me when Joe Ewen told us to prophesy over each other by saying when I look at you I see…. However, I was told to do this so I did say what came to mind. In God’s graciousness Jacob said something along the lines of, Thanks, that confirms and is even a little more specific/clear of a word Shoan just gave me. I was encouraged and continued to risk with the rest of my group.
In my devotional life speakers, like Gus Hunter, have encouraged us to practice hearing God by asking him what he thinks of me, or what do you want to say to me today? I have done this on occasion and am learning to take what I “hear” as from God. So often this is not the big forceful answer I want when I am asking something of God. It is just a little impression but I am taking risks and finding that often the impression or small voice is from God.
Another example happened after Steve Nicholson spoke to us about Healing. I was in church and just had a slight impression that the Holy Spirit was doing something in the lady next to me. I asked if she sensed or could think of anything but ended up with nothing. So I asked if I could just bless what ever the Spirit was doing inside of her. She said that was fine and as I prayed I felt the Spirit flowing through me. It was like a current. It was not until the end that the lady said she thought God was empowering her with the gift of healing. The important thing for me was that I was encouraged to take the risk even when I just have a small sense God might be doing or saying something.
Those were my experiences but what speaker has said is what brought me to the place to try. Gus Hunter pointed out that some of our stumbling blocks to hearing God have to do with being worthy or able. He says our righteousness is from God (Romans 1:17) as is our ability to do anything. His example for this is when Jesus called Peter out onto the water. The ability comes from Jesus, all he wants from us is faith. Gus also told us you can’t explaining “hearing God” technically, you must experience it, like laughing.
Robert Fuller said, “You may look like a fool but you will never regret obedience. You will regret playing it safe.” “Our responsibility is to yield to God.” “You don’t arrive. It is a bunch of nows.” These quotes are powerful to me. The “It is a bunch of nows.” Quote is helpful to me because it simplifies life. What am I being called to do or share now? That is all I need to worry about.
Steve Nicholson is the other speaker who really helped me grow in this area. He said God is always at work and he is always trying to tell us what he is doing. For those who think we don’t “hear” or “see” what God is doing, we see a lot more than we think we do. This made me realize, God is showing me things and wants to use me to bring his kingdom to others. I just need to learn to pay attention to the little “senses” and see what he would have me do with those. This is exciting to realize but also carries with it a responsibility to pay attention for other people’s sakes.
To keep “Hearing God”, “the Holy Spirit” and “Healing” in balance I will speak for a moment of the word of God. Fred Nelson has been great to listen to about the authority of the Bible and the survey of the Old Testament. What I appreciate most about him though is how he makes those topics personal and applicable so they do not just become head knowledge. I was challenged when Fred spoke about the authority of the Bible being attacked and then pointed out how it is being attacked by each of us in our own personal lives. He asked if we let pain or experiences dictate instead of God’s word. I think to some extent I have and was motivated to repent and declare again that the word of God was going to be the foundation of my life and beliefs.
The first semester of elevate has facilitated some good changes in me. I am thankful we have another semester to go as I want to see God continue to transform me and cement the things that I begun to walk in. I am grateful to God for this time in our (Jason and my) lives. We are also grateful to Antioch as a church and especially to y’all.
I am especially struggling with separating choosing to fully trust God again, increased faith and emotional healing. These three are messy because my life is messy, but I will try and be clear in each change and believe that you will be able to see how these are continually leaking all over each other.
At the beginning of elevate I was withholding part of myself from God. Through disappointment and trial I began to agree with some of Satan’s accusations against God. For example, maybe God doesn’t always have my best in mind and God might use me (as in an abusive way). However, I knew enough that I also couldn’t walk away from ministry. Matthew 16:25 says, “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” I was trying to save a part of my life.
Early on in the semester I realized where I was at. I saw some of the accusations I made against God and the lies that they were. I knew that I needed to come back to the place where I trusted God fully.
The Father Heart of God was a great teaching to speak the truth of how deeply God loves, how interested He is in me and how He sees even when no one else does. I loved the picture John Dawson painted of David laying down his life for the sheep when the lion came. He said, ”No one saw that night except all of heaven.” It was a good reminder that God is not like us. That even my attempts to trust Him can inspire Him. He also mentioned that God is interested in us and attracted to us. That God delights in my appearance. These comments washed my mind with their truth.
Gus Hunter came to speak about hearing God but over and over his message was, “Don’t try to be in control. It is about trusting God no matter what happens.” One of his examples was Mary and the events leading up to Jesus’ birth (and beyond). Gus told us the purpose of life was becoming one with the person of God. Vessels filled with and one with God. These were great exhortations to repent and relax fully in the hands of God.
The other teaching that was a real kicker in this area was Relinquishing Rights. As I have already stated there were rights I was trying to hold onto. I could relate when Loren said, “Often it is the little things we won’t relinquish”. Some of the little things were wrong goals. Neil Anderson points out in Victory Over the Darkness, we can tell when we have the wrong goals when we are easily irritated or frustrated. The light bulb was going on. As I chose to relinquish rights I was holding onto, I trusted God with them. I now have less fear than I did before because I am not trying to protect myself or my kids. At least, not from God and what He might ask me to do.
The second change I will share is that my faith has been built up. Joe Ewen gave Jason and me Psalm 34:10 and told us to plaster it all over our house. Psalm 34:10 says, “The lions may grow weak and hungry but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.” He broke off a fear of lack that I wasn’t even aware of but that was certainly there. Part of the implications were financial but that was only part.
I have been a little afraid of the need with which we will encounter in Africa. There will be such a material and emotional need. Yet God also spoke to us through Joe about God doing miracles like he did with the loaves and the fishes. When we give the little that we have, He will multiple it to meet the need and have an abundance left over. This is a promise I am holding onto and keeping before me. It is changing the way I think. One little example is eating out with my family. I love to give and can be extravagant (for us) when giving to God. However, eating out as I was growing up was often looked at as wasteful. I can be a tight wad for sure, so though Jason would love to, I rarely would go along with eating out. Now I am still all for being a good steward but I am no longer a tight wad because of fearing lack in the future. Now I can go out occasionally just to enjoy God’s provision.
The deal with my faith growing along the lines of lack goes further though. Bill Johnson was teaching on Jesus being in the boat with the disciples. Jesus told the disciples to beware of the yeast of the Pharisees. The disciples didn’t understand and thought He might be saying this because they had not brought bread. Bill shares Jesus’ response to the disciples and the question that has haunted me is, “Why do you begin to reason with what you lack?” Jesus then took the disciples through a thought process showing them that when they had more people to feed and less food they had more leftovers. God is not limited by our lack.
I still can easily slip into my old patterns for thinking but I am noticing a change. It is not just knowing that God can do the impossible with my mind. My spirit has changed, or been strengthened perhaps, in this area. John Dawson said that we should expect God to be generous with us. Not that it is our right. We don’t demand it but we should have expectation. I think that is a good description of where I am at.
The third change I have seen is emotional healing and restoration. God affirmed me in multiple ways at the beginning of the semester that He was going to do this. It has taken until the end of the semester to say it has happened. I needed God to come speak restoration and treat me tenderly at the beginning. I have truly found that God’s kindness leads me to repentance.
God spoke through multiple means. He was speaking to me in my quiet times about the way He saw me. He used a woman from 24:14 to speak a timely word that she could only have had from him at our training school launch night. He also used Donelle during our retreat. All of this speaking was encouraging to me but also helped me honestly face and deal with where I was at. Repentance came quickly but healing has taken time. I think part of that is that I have had time to walk in my new thoughts.
The first step for me was choosing to trust God again. We have covered this. The only thing I want to add to that was from Jimmy. He said we can choose our values, feed our values and learn our values. I had to choose to believe and keep God’s goodness as central in my thoughts. I needed to feed myself the truth about God’s goodness.
The next huge step was from brokenness. God was working on this area even before the first teaching. The women’s retreat was powerful to me. Christi Osborn was speaking and sharing from John 15. She began talking about being pruned and showed a picture of a pruned crape myrtle. It looked awful! Yet we all know how they look when they bloom. This gave me hope as I felt at least somewhat like the pruned crape myrtle.
The picture really helped the next weekend when I was unimpressed and disappointed in myself and God on our outreach weekend. It helped later as I accepted my own brokenness and then looked to my identity.
I was sobered by Nancy DeMoss’ teaching but really struck as I went through the list of differences between proud and broken people. I am self-protective, want to be recognized, think of what I can do for God, defensive and care greatly what others think of me. As I really worked through these things over the next few days, God pointed out that my pride and these sinful ways it manifested was the main reason I need healing. I would not have been nearly as disappointed if I was truly joining God in what He was doing instead of trying to impress God and others with what I could do. I would not have felt as rejected or accused by other Christians if I was more honest with myself, God and others about my faults and failures. I also wouldn’t need their approval if I was looking only to please my Jesus. My healing only really began to come when I realized that my sin was what caused my wounds. It was a painful thing to see but at the same time it was wonderfully freeing. I will never be able to be what I want to or attain spirituality from my own efforts.
This is where the healing completed with identity. The truths I learned here weren’t new. So many were right out of Victory Over the Darkness which we had already read. However, now I was free to see myself and my need for these truths much more clearly. Margie Atwood came and shared about identity. It was a perfect balance. I am broken and a sinner yet through Jesus I am his righteousness. I am complete in Jesus. (Col.2:10) I have died to sin (Gal. 2:20) and can be free of the sinful mind patterns, the lies I was believing. I don’t have to strive, feel fear or shame. I am a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17) The Spirit is greater than the flesh and I am one Spirit with Jesus (1 Cor.6:17). I just have to quit petting and pampering my flesh. I need to reckon it dead!
These truths helped insure that I wouldn’t allow Satan to bind me with shame over my sin. Margie’s personal authority on identity issues gave me hope and determination to become like her. One who trains my mind, guards my thoughts and believes/experiences union with God on a daily basis.
The forth change is a paradigm shift that is occurring. I have been working on new thought patterns in the realm of good, evil and obedience. The two teachings that have spurred this change are Radical Obedience and Grace vs. Law. I happen to think that both Robert Herber and Jimmy were pretty balanced as they spoke on these subjects.
Robert talked about the baptism of fire. He said how we respond during the squeeze is one of the greatest determining factors in how we are used by God. Robert encouraged us to keep pressing into God. A picture he painted that has impacted me was of diving in the ocean. He said the deeper we go it gets darker, there is more pressure and the oxygen keeps getting farther away. Some of our friends will turn and swim back up but if we want all that God has for us we must go through it.
The balance to all of this was that we are obedient and sacrifice to bless the heart of Jesus. The goal is to do a beautiful thing to Jesus like the woman in Mark 14 who poured out her nard on Jesus. This also means we only do what we see the Father doing. The shift that started to happen was in how I judge myself, others, actions and activities in general. Perhaps this will lead me to one day not judge that which I shouldn’t but right now I do tend to judge and this is a better frame work to use.
Jimmy explained it even more clearly to me. He said good and evil will plague you. When you feel you have done well you will feel good. When you feel you have done poorly you will feel evil. Good apart from God’s grace is only self-righteous anyway. We don’t have to be good or evil. We just have to be Jesus’.
I have tried to judge good and evil in my life. So many of my expectations and life codes if you will are due to good and evil. However, since following Jesus this should no longer be my measure. I need to look to Jesus continually. Deciding what I should or should not be doing based on his grace. Here I do not mean grace to be license but rather God’s personal direction and power for me on a moment by moment bases.
The other part of the talk that helps balance and works perfectly with Robert’s exhortation to go through the baptism of fire is to start everyday with God’s original intent for man. That God made man in his image, that he made us to bless us and that God gave us purpose. I can trust God during the times I feel pressure or pain because I know that his intention toward me is good and he has a purpose for me.
I know that this is a change that is no where near completion. I have a long way to go before I relate to God and evaluate things rightly. However, I have begun. I know one who is faithful to complete it.
The fifth change is in learning to hear God. I have heard and been led by God but I am becoming more sensitive. I need to practice more still but I can see that I am making progress.
A couple of examples are when we were encouraged to prophesy over each other in 4s with Joe Ewen, an experience I had in church and my own devotional life. I didn’t think I had anything I felt like God was saying to Jacob (the first person to go in my group) through me when Joe Ewen told us to prophesy over each other by saying when I look at you I see…. However, I was told to do this so I did say what came to mind. In God’s graciousness Jacob said something along the lines of, Thanks, that confirms and is even a little more specific/clear of a word Shoan just gave me. I was encouraged and continued to risk with the rest of my group.
In my devotional life speakers, like Gus Hunter, have encouraged us to practice hearing God by asking him what he thinks of me, or what do you want to say to me today? I have done this on occasion and am learning to take what I “hear” as from God. So often this is not the big forceful answer I want when I am asking something of God. It is just a little impression but I am taking risks and finding that often the impression or small voice is from God.
Another example happened after Steve Nicholson spoke to us about Healing. I was in church and just had a slight impression that the Holy Spirit was doing something in the lady next to me. I asked if she sensed or could think of anything but ended up with nothing. So I asked if I could just bless what ever the Spirit was doing inside of her. She said that was fine and as I prayed I felt the Spirit flowing through me. It was like a current. It was not until the end that the lady said she thought God was empowering her with the gift of healing. The important thing for me was that I was encouraged to take the risk even when I just have a small sense God might be doing or saying something.
Those were my experiences but what speaker has said is what brought me to the place to try. Gus Hunter pointed out that some of our stumbling blocks to hearing God have to do with being worthy or able. He says our righteousness is from God (Romans 1:17) as is our ability to do anything. His example for this is when Jesus called Peter out onto the water. The ability comes from Jesus, all he wants from us is faith. Gus also told us you can’t explaining “hearing God” technically, you must experience it, like laughing.
Robert Fuller said, “You may look like a fool but you will never regret obedience. You will regret playing it safe.” “Our responsibility is to yield to God.” “You don’t arrive. It is a bunch of nows.” These quotes are powerful to me. The “It is a bunch of nows.” Quote is helpful to me because it simplifies life. What am I being called to do or share now? That is all I need to worry about.
Steve Nicholson is the other speaker who really helped me grow in this area. He said God is always at work and he is always trying to tell us what he is doing. For those who think we don’t “hear” or “see” what God is doing, we see a lot more than we think we do. This made me realize, God is showing me things and wants to use me to bring his kingdom to others. I just need to learn to pay attention to the little “senses” and see what he would have me do with those. This is exciting to realize but also carries with it a responsibility to pay attention for other people’s sakes.
To keep “Hearing God”, “the Holy Spirit” and “Healing” in balance I will speak for a moment of the word of God. Fred Nelson has been great to listen to about the authority of the Bible and the survey of the Old Testament. What I appreciate most about him though is how he makes those topics personal and applicable so they do not just become head knowledge. I was challenged when Fred spoke about the authority of the Bible being attacked and then pointed out how it is being attacked by each of us in our own personal lives. He asked if we let pain or experiences dictate instead of God’s word. I think to some extent I have and was motivated to repent and declare again that the word of God was going to be the foundation of my life and beliefs.
The first semester of elevate has facilitated some good changes in me. I am thankful we have another semester to go as I want to see God continue to transform me and cement the things that I begun to walk in. I am grateful to God for this time in our (Jason and my) lives. We are also grateful to Antioch as a church and especially to y’all.
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